Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Let's be honest

First of all, this little peanut is already a month old! I know right?

How do all our girls end up with blue eyes, and neither Dustin nor I have them? I have green and he has brown. Kind of random.

So Laken is doing great! I know most of you will hate me for this, or i'll just jinx myself, but she has slept through the night since the day we brought her home. She usually wakes up to eat once and goes right back to sleep. We are super lucky. All our babies have been awesome sleepers, so I have no complaints there!

Although some days I look like I haven't had ANY sleep.

It's time for the "let's be honest" part.

It's been a little emotional around here this past month. I don't hear many women talk about the postpartum emotions, but i'm going to. It's been a little hard. I am super sensitive and emotional these days. It's not every day and some days I feel completely normal, but if I get a bad day, i'm pretty sure everything could make me cry. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat. I feel like I could go all day without eating and not be hungry. But of course I eat no matter what, since I have a baby to feed. I don't think i'm depressed and I don't feel like I want to stay in bed all day or have any bad feelings towards the kids, the emotions are the hardest part. I'm pretty sure it's just the baby blues. It's been a little better this past week and I have a doctors appointment on Thursday so i'm going to see what he says. I'm pretty sure it's normal and i've talked to a few friends lately who also felt like this so it makes me feel better. I never have had this after having a baby so it's all kind of new to me. I know it's temporary and it's normal so i'll survive. I just wanted to write about it a bit so I remember what it was like and it's not easy to admit how "hard" life really is sometimes and I think that's why i've been a little MIA lately. I also think sometimes I feel like i'm a failure to admit things are hard. But there. I did it.

I am having quite an interesting time adjusting to 4, it's a lot of freakin work! I thought I was busy before, but man, it's INSANE now! Who ever said going from 3 to 4 is not a big deal, they can eat it. But then again not everyone pops out 4 kids in 5 years!

It's just busy. I think i'm busier now and it's harder now than when I had the twins. Maybe it's because when I had the twins I was expecting the absolute worst and it was always better than I expected. Or something like that... But 4 is busy. Laken is a great baby, but she is still a baby and needs attention, fed, changed, held etc etc. On top of that, I have fighting girls, messes constantly made, kids to get dressed and ready every day, Kyla driven to school every day, bla bla bla. The list goes on. I think at least once a day I reflect on what's happening at that moment, such as picking stickers off my kitchen table for a good 15 minutes, or rushing out the door to get Kyla from school and Laken pukes all over me and her right before I put her in her car seat and think "Is this really my life?" then I laugh about it.

So that's our life lately. I'm crazy. I know.

Here's Kyla being such a good babysitter.

I'm so proud.

At least she put the baby to sleep before going to sleep herself, right?

Speaking of sleeping, this is how Laken likes to sleep, it's how she always ends up.

I guess that's all you get. I have a hungry baby and a whole container full of yogurt that just got spilled all over the floor.

I am a strong person. I can do this!

I think.


leger_mary04 said...

Mindy, you can do this. I'm glad to hear Laken is giving you nights of sleep. As for the emotional side of things, that is completely normal. It's not a failure to have bad days or admit that you're not Wonderwoman. Sometimes I think these experiences help us to have more empathy towards each other. You will always be more tender to those who are struggling after going through your own struggle. Hang in there. Let me know if you need some help. My offer still stands for a meal or taking the girls to the park or something :) Mary

kyleandtaryn said...

It's completely normal! I hope it passes quickly for you because it's definitely not fun. The first couple of weeks after having Hannah I was a basket case! My inlaws came to visit and I'm pretty sure it only lasted 20 minutes because I had a MELTDOWN, then was embarassed because I was crying in front of everyone and Kyle pretty much demanded that everybody leave. Good times. You are doing an amazing job with these kiddos. Keep it up!

Carrie said...

I know how you feel - I felt like that after I had Nixon, and I'm not really looking forward to another emotional roller coaster after I have this next baby. But I agree, it's best to talk about it and just be real with yourself. It's a totally normal side effect that can happen. Laken is gorgeous, can't believe she's already a month old!

Dustin, Rachelle & Jaxon Ririe said...

I don't have any words of wisdom but I can assure you that you aren't the only one who feels this way. People just tend not to be honest about it and like to pretend everything is fabulous all the time. Liars. :)
Having a newborn is hard- I don't know how people do it with other kids! LOL.
Anyway, your girls are so adorable, and I'm sure you are a fabulous mom. (And I don't know if I told you this but I love the name you chose!)

Ashley said...

I think adding a little one is always going to be hard and take some adjustment time. You are an amazing mom and you can do it! The baby blues thing will go away. Just be sure you take care of yourself. I know that's easier said than done, but find a way! You have great friends up there that I know will help you do it. Don't be afraid to ask!

Jordana said...

I get really emotional after my babies too. I think it's a good idea to write it down, not just for other people, but also so you remember what it was really like. I can't believe Laken is already a month! That's awesome that she's such a good sleeper too, I hope she keeps it up for you!

kelci r said...

I soo wish I lived near you and your family so I could babysit your kids! They are freakin adorable!!

henline crew said...

I felt like that after one of my babies. I think it was Mady. I never wanted to eat and I thought I was eating enough but I could tell that I wasn't producing enough milk and my baby was starving and I bawled at EVERYTHING! I know what you mean with 4 kids under 5. I did it too and it is hard. There is a huge adjustment period for sure, with any baby. Hang in there, it will get better!!!

The Harker Family said...

Ah Mindy you are awesome! I don't know how you do it, but you do it! So that is truly amazing to me! You have four gorgeous daughters that are lucky to have you as a mom! Keep up the good work! I always have the baby blues and cry terribly for 7 days after I have a baby and then it goes away. So I bet yours will go away soon. It is just the hormones re-adjusting, but talk to your doc if it lasts longer than that! Thinking of you!

Megan said...

You can do it! I know, the adjustment to 4 for me has been crazy too. It seems impossible (and probably is) to keep up with everything. I am getting over my desire to have a clean house. Whenever I start caring about how clean the house is, I turn into a mean mom. Not fun. So, I'm trying to be satisfied that our house will not be clean - and if I happen to get the floor mopped, it will get dirty again in 10 min. That is life now, and I'd rather have a messy house with happy kids and mom, than a clean house and grumpy mom.

Randy and Capri Bird said...

You are strong! I know you can do this. Take it one step at a time and dont sweet the small stuff. Wish I could help. Hang in there. Plus you have beautiful kids ;)

kelsey said...

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. . . like everyone said, adding a tiny baby is always hard. I haven't experienced the "baby blues" with either baby, but I have definitely felt emotional. I think it's the most overwhelming during that first month or so when people are trying to visit all the time, and you just want to be left alone! ha. That was how I felt when I had Scarlett. I had to laugh at Taryn's comment, because it brought back memories.

You can definitely do it. You will, you will just survive, then look back and your babies will be all grown up. I can't believe it's already been a month!!!

Love the picture of Kyla holding Laken and sleeping--- so cute.

The Ririe Family said...

Mindy you are such a great mom! I think its hard no matter how many kids you have. I had really bad postpartum, for about the first 6 months. I cant imagine doing it again and having other children to take care of. But it sounds like its just the normal adjustment period. You have to give yourself time to adjust emotionally too. Think how your life has changed over the last 6 years! Everything comes with a learning curve and you will figure out that works best for you guys! You always do!

Amber said...

FOur was really hard for me too. It took me a solid 6 months to feel like I could get ontop of things. I think since you seem to be conscious of your feelings, you are doing well and your not going to drive your kids off a cliff. My Aunt got it so bad with her 3rd (and she didn't get it with the other ones either)she felt her kids would be better off without her and she contimplated suicide...and then she got put on tranquilizers! Your blog is a great outlet and a great way to know you're not alone! But yes, 4 sucks for a bit....but it passes. ANd my house is still a disaster, but we are happy!

Amber said...

oh, and I stomped around the house and screamed like a mad woman to stop myself from throwing Clayton out a window when he was a baby...he was my only big post partum child.

Amie said...

Go Mindy Go! You are such a good mom. I'll definately be getting tips from you when I need them!