Friday, March 20, 2015

For reals

Sometimes I vent. Ok fine, all the time. Hey talking is good. Keeping it in, bad guys. 

Life is so repetitive! 
Let's feed the kids. Clean the house. Who am I kidding, like tidy the one main floor people see. Change the baby. Throw the laundry in, oh hell I forgot to change the laundry over last time, redo laundry. Feed baby. Baby nap. Maybe shower? Clean house... Again. How the eff is it noon already?? Feed kids AGAIN. Clean up mess from feeding said kids. Remember all the things you remembered while in bed last night. Wash daughters gym wrist bands, she's asked like a hundred times. Try and feel like a good mom and do something productive with the kids. Ha just kidding again, go play on the the basement. Why do people show up when the house ISN'T clean when I clean it ALL THE TIME?! I just vacuumed and the floor looks dirty. These damn couch pillows and blankets are over rated and NEVER properly stay put. As if I live in a show home and they stay there. Hilarious. When did I mop last? Or clean the upstairs bathroom shower? Does it matter it gets washed every day anyways when people shower right? K cool. Line up shoes, hang up coats. How is it supper?! Cook supper. No one likes peas, or this sauce... It has RED things in it. Well duh. I should have known. Eat it or starve. I am not a Resturaunt peeps. Home work. Tidy rooms and get the bleep in bed. 

That's not just one day specifically, more like a jumble of random things but I am TIRED guys! So tired. When the husband works all this overtime to buy us a house that I swear will never happen... It's exhausting. We have the worst luck. (Taking donations at any amount by the way, maybe I should do one of those go fund me things. I'm sure people will feel bad for us and donate right?) But he works his ass off for us and it's great and all but man my sanity pays for it! 

I don't want to seem like life is always rough because it's not! It's just busy. Non stop. Sometimes I just need a break. I need ME time!! I don't even remember what that's like! Dustin gets to leave everyday and be himself at a job. Today I told him I would totally go in for him, I could forsure be an electrician. I'm smart, I'll figure it out. I think some day soon I will be locked up and gone cray cray. I feel it comin. 
Maybe I just need a house. Somewhere to stay organized with some space. I think we deserve it. I don't know what to do different lately but just keep going and we will get there. We chose to have these 5 little people and would never trade anything for that but sometimes it's so frustrating just when we think we are getting close, something else comes up. It's funny once we get into a house how much money we will actually save each month. It doesn't make sense at all but it's true. We will be on the housing plan with Suncor but it's just getting there. It's so frustrating and I don't know what else to do to get there but we just keep plugging away taking one day at a time and staying positive. Some things are so easy for some people and some things are so so hard!! I would just love for it to work out for us this year. I have the hardest working husband in the world. He would work day and night if it was offered to get us a house and he does! I'm so grateful for his career and our future he has given us. It's been a process but I know it'll be worth it. 

These little people are the best thing that have happened to us and if we have to live in a box I would because some people have it way worse than us so I try to be thankful for what we do have every day. So these days where I can barely function I'm so tired and worn out, it's so worth it. It really does sound crazy doesn't it. All that chaos and stress each day is actually worth it! 

There is nothing in life without goals. To constantly get better and somewhere new in life. I always life live as if it's our only chance at everything because It really is! You're only young once and you only live once, so make it a good one! 

I realized this was a very personal post for me, more than usual because it hit a spot that eats at us daily and I've shed many tears over. I know everyone has their struggles and ours are minor compared to many. I'm grateful for what we do have. I see it in these 5 faces every. day. Love them. 

And I need a nap. 

Sunday, March 08, 2015

International woman's day

Guess what... I'm blogging so I'm bored as can be! So since today it's International Woman's Day. I, of course think about how amazing of a woman I have become. 
Just kidding. 
I actually did reflect on who I am as a woman and had some thoughts come to mind.
This year I turn 30 and I can't say enough how much I have learned in my twenties. 
I had 5 kids, including twins, moved a few times and have done numerous small companies etc. But none of this can explain how much I've grown as a person and how I've become who I finally think I'm meant to be. 

I reflect on myself a lot. Am I a nice person. I think so. Am I forgiving. Depends how bad you piss me off. Am I patient. Ask my husband. Am I happy. Ask my therapist... kidding. 
These are some things that are important to who I am so I'm constantly working on them and more, many more.  
There's one thing I have learned that is so important in becoming a good mom and wife and that is to take care of myself first. I used to think it was selfish but I saw the downfall when I didn't take care of myself. I went through some postpartum after having Laken off and on and it was really hard. I realized who was there for me in life and who I can really rely on in times of need. I also learned how important it is for me to be happy and healthy in order to be the mom and wife I need to be. If times get tough, which trust me they do, I make sure I do not let myself get to the point where I'm sinking. I have amazing sisters, an amazing husband and an amazing sister in law who I would say are my most important people I can rely on. Sometimes just talking it out is all I need. Holding it in just makes you crazy. Sometimes it's literally Dustin taking Parks while I cook and clean. Who knew I would actually WANT to do those things but just being me in my own head while I focus on a task truly helps escape the chaos sometimes. I mean I'd take a spa day too... Ahem, Dustin. 

I am in NO way perfect. I get impatient, I yell at my kids, my house is never 100% clean, we have kraft dinner and sandwiches for lunch way too often, and I don't sit and read to my kids every night. Hell I don't even read. That's why we have Kyla. But you know what, I never stress about these things. I don't stress about the small stuff and that makes a huge difference in my life. I also don't let other peoples stresses or drama get to me, it's not allowed. If it doesn't affect my husband and kids I brush it off.

Another major thing I do want to touch on is how much I've let go of what other people think about me. I used to care. I cared about the choices I made in life if people approved of them but I (we) came to the realization that no matter what choice you make in life, there will always be someone who doesn't approve. ALWAYS. So we choose what's best for us and our kids and that's all that matters. No one else's opinion matters. This has changed our life in the best way and we are the happiest we've ever been! It's amazing when you start living your life for you and not others. It's also cool to see who accepts you for the way you choose to live! 

I can't explain the amount of growth I have done in the last 5 years. I'm still Mindy, and I still feel like I'm 16 questioning who gave me all this responsibility! But, I'm becoming everything I WANT to be. I try to be the best of me I can be everyday and that's all that matters. I hope I can set an example to my girls of what kind of woman, mother and wife they want to grow into. Even if it's one thing they look up to me for then I will feel like I've conquered the world.