Sunday, July 12, 2015

Putting my foot down

When I first got married I was a small human. Like 110lbs. That was normal and it came naturally. So that was me and I was good with that. Then I had my oldest and gained a lot with her. Lost it all within 3-4 months, didn't do a thing to lose it. Twins, same thing. Laken, same thing. Then two years after Laken I got hypothyroidism, so I gained a few pounds and I was SO hard on myself! I felt huge. I think at most I weighed 113lbs. Now I had my boy. My weight has NOT come off of me like the others and it literally broke me down. I felt gross and disgusting and every person that looked at me I thought they were judging me on my weight. I've never been through struggling with weight and I couldn't handle it. I then decided to change my life, eating and working out here and there. Now let's be real. I have 5 kids AND work. I do not get to work out as often I can and you know what, that's ok! I eat healthy as much as I can. I'm actually becoming really good at it! I'm proud of myself. I went in for blood work for my swollen joints thinking it was rheumatoid arthritis and came back as hypothyroidism again and worse than before. It sucked. But I knew I would have to do what I could with it. I went on meds and even started brown seaweed extract? Who knows, I suck at taking it lets be honest but it's supposed to help with thyroid. So we will see. I figured that's why I wasn't losing my weight and wanted to blame it on that but this whole thing is bull. It's bull crap!! 

This is NOT ok! It's not ok I think this way and it's not ok I feel this way! I have had 5 children out of this body. I've breastfed the crap out of these breasts and I've stretched my body 4 times for these 5 kids. Why the hell am I feeling like I need to be on the cover of the Victoria's Secret magazine? I shouldn't! I am healthy and I work out when I can and I don't give a rats ass how skinny I am. I will wear what I feel good in and I will be happy being healthy in my own body because this is life! This is reality! There's no photoshop in real life. 

I have learned and come to realize these skinny and in shape people first, don't have any children, or they work their ass off for their body. And you know what, that is awesome for them. I would love to be like them and maybe one day I will. In the mean time lets smack a bitch (myself) to reality and be happy with what I've accomplished! This world is so messed up with image. It is NOT ok! 
If you are doing your best to be healthy, because you are only given one body this life, then that is good enough. Who cares what other people think. Who. Cares! 

I have such a strong opinion of this. Maybe because I had to go through the whole acceptance thing and I'm slowly working to my goals I have for myself and realize how hard it really is. I've never had to do that and I appreciate that. I have all the respect in the world for those who can discipline and have the time for that. I know it's attainable but you know what, my baby is not even 10 months old and if I'm 10lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight I'm ok with that. We as women go through so much to have these babies. SO MUCH. 
I went swimming today and looked in the mirror and could pick myself apart with what I didn't like. How sad is that? I want to have a healthy body and I'm getting there but why are we so hard on ourselves? I don't wanna be in the picture, I hate my arms, I hate my legs, I feel like my face is fat when I smile, I have a muffin top in these pants... Those are only a few things I thought to myself the past few months. It sounds so bad when you say it outloud! 
If you are living a healthy lifestyle then who gives a crap about what you look like?! Be happy with who you are, be CONFIDENT in who you are. Confidence plays a huge part in how you are perecpted. No matter what you look like. 
Please love yourself. Please take care of yourself and just be happy! Because your kids don't care what the scale says. They care that you're happy. Teach them that life isn't about your image. 
I've heard too many women be hard on themselves lately and it makes me sad to hear it. When they say it, I think, ya that's me too! Then it clicks, why do I think like that? I realize how sad it is. 

I think, the only person who cares about it, is you. 
You. Are. Beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside remember? 

And I'm done. 

Monday, July 06, 2015


After a lot of back and forth debate if I should blog this or not I decide why the hell not? 

I do not live life to any ones expectations but my own. My husband and children are the main and most important thing in my life.
We live with love, we live with caring, we put others first and teach manners. We teach with love and kindness (well except at bedtime, like really kids go tooooo SLEEP) we teach how family is the most important thing. That there are rules and consequences for your actions. You be grateful for what you have. Set goals for yourself, aim as high as you want, because you can achieve anything you want too! You support others even if it's not what you think to be right. You be kind to everyone, no matter what, but also stand up for yourself and don't let others walk all over you. 
Love your parents, they make mistakes and this is their first time being a parent so cut them a little slack if they mess up. Love your dad because he works his ass off for this family. Love your mom because she's going crazy figuring out how to be a good mom every day, all day and doing the best she can. 
Aim to find the best husband possible, someone who treats you right. Who is motivated to provide for your family and treat you like gold. Someone who you also respect and look up too as a man and father. 
Go to school and get an education, work towards something. You only live once so make it a count. 
Forgive others. No ones perfect and people mess up, forgive them for the mistakes they make. Forgive yourself and the mistakes you make because you will but don't live with regrets. Mistakes are there for you to learn from. 
Don't sit around and wait for someone to hand you life, go get it yourself. Be inspired in everything. Learn from everything. 
Be healthy and active. Have fun every day. Laugh at things and learn to let things go. Don't worry until you have too. Love your family and be there for your siblings. They are the only ones who will always be there. Family is so important. 

With all this being said. These are just a few things we try to raise our children with. We are not perfect parents we just do what we know is best for us and our children. I feel like there's been a huge elephant in the room for a few years now which has really been behind the scenes even longer. Dustin and I have left our church. We are more than happy with our decision and we know there will be speculation but we don't care. I am an open book so feel free to ask me anything. I won't debate and I won't persuade others to live how I do but I know this choice was the best choice for us and we have never been happier or closer as a family. This has been a journey for Dustin and I for years. That's all I want to say about that but I felt it needed to be put out there because there's a side to my life I always feel I can't talk about because of how I've been raised or other people in our lives. 

There have been so many supportive people with our decision and we are really grateful for that. We appreciate respect from others and we also respect others. 

I hope and pray to be the best parents we can be to these children. I hope I can be the best wife I can. I have so many goals in life I want to accomplish and with this family I have, I know I can. I have the hardest working husband I know. He's more than my husband but my best friend. I'm so grateful we have the same goals and desires in life, that's rare to find. I'm definitely one of the lucky ones. I'm lucky I could have 5 children. I know there are people who can't have children of their own and I never take a day for granted these little people are mine. No matter how crazy or stressed out I get I wouldn't change it for anything. It's worth it. 
We love every friend and family member in our lives. There are some amazing people in this world. 

Love everyone and remember you only live once... So make it a good one.


Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Schools out

Schools out! So you all know what that means? We have to entertain all of the children ALL of the days! 
So many people couldn't wait for summer holidays, while in the back of my mind was...Disaster in the house all day. All the kids around ALL day. I have to keep them happy ALL day! When you're used to majority of them gone to school you kinda get down time and the house stays clean for like two hours... Then you eat another meal. But you can even do laundry AND fold it. I know, amaaaazing. I remember one time I even made banana bread... Just kidding I made it more than once. Twice. I made it twice. Just ask my sister how many times I had rotten bananas sitting on my counter and I would say, "I'm going to make banana bread." I ain't lyin. 

So today I took my kids with my sister Britt and her kiddos to the parade and then to Mac island events where it's INSANE. Oh let me point out last night I snapped my ankle while running across first base in softball and it may be sprained or broken or something, whatevs. So I wrapped it. That helped. Kind of. I nursed while we made it through the gigantic crowd, Kyla pushing the stroller and as we go I am constantly counting my kids. Isn't that why we had 5, incase I lose one we still have an army? Kidding. 

But I literally came back and had to lay down and I didn't move for like an hour. Kids fended for themselves and I was paralyzed. Exhausted. So I made the kids clean up (hello mystery clean up) and sent them outside. 
I then asked Laken what they wanted for supper. She said, "pizza!" (We like never have that...) and I said "I don't have any pizza" she goes, "uh ya you get it from the mailman at the door, remember?! I guess that's what mailmen deliver these days. 
So we had waffles. I really need groceries. Kyla said, "this is the best Canada Day supper EVER!" Jayci pipes up "ya it is because you couldn't cook anything so we got GOOD food!" 
Uh, thanks? Trust me, I would cook waffles and KD everyday and be the best mom in the world! 

So, since it's summer, "mom can we switch beds tonight?!" Sure. Then you're in bed by 730. Which turned to 8... Then they need drinks, they are hot, one stubbed her toe. Weird how that happens when you're in bed! One has a scratch on her foot from... Yesterday! One is freaked out by her sisters doll on the shelf. All the while I'm bathing baby so he sleeps better, he's teething and it's my favorite. So Dust just gets home, goes up and puts baby back to bed and helps one or two kids with what they need. Comes down, Parks cried again. He goes "ugh!" I said don't even, you just got home. He's like "I know the kids just need this and need that." Welcome the the past 2 hours Hun! TAP OUT. 

But in all honesty, we do have great kids. It's just sometimes insane! My girls will always step up to help and constantly help with Parks if he eat something off the floor or well, eats something off the floor. He's like a vacuum. If it's food I really don't care! 5th kid guys, at least he's getting some nutrients with his grazing right? 
Kyla's a little mom and the twins have really stepped up lately and it's great. We do live in a small house for only a little while longer and they know how and where they should help. We did their lemonade stand this weekend again and I asked them what they wanted to save for this year. Last year they saved almost $200 for holidays. They all said to buy a house. It was amazing. They understand how things don't come free and you have to work for them. We are grateful for Dust working all he can and me working while raising these 5 kids! Trust me it's not easy working lately but I'll do what I can to help. I want to get to an amazing place in my career one day so baby steps for right now. 

Anyways, Happy Canada Day friends!! We sure have awesome people in our life and are grateful for every single one and to live where we live. My husband has an amazing job where he gets to work overtime and has opportunities some don't. We've worked hard to get here and are thankful every day for that. 

I think all my kids are asleep so that means I can go to sleep too! Ha ya right. 
Night all.