Sunday, May 24, 2015

Random ramblings

I am sitting here waiting for my son to get tired so then I can go up to my room and work. So why not blog? I was going to clean but meh, it's over rated. Besides its just going to get messy again anyways in the morning. 

So lately I've been a single mom. It's been fun. But not. We have had so much going on lately, it's crazy! At this moment I don't remember what that is specifically but I tell ya we have been busy. Dust has also been working lots of overtime. The weather is warm and I am LOVING it so I get outside as much as I can! Go with friends to the park or walks or BBQ's and just be outside everyday all day. I already have a tan and it's May! So happy.
Ok let's talk about it. Post. baby. body. I could get into the perks of it like the cellulite, the stretched out belly that ain't ever going back or having to throw your boobs up over your shoulder to wash your stomach... Those things are all super fun and all but this is a little different. 
I have had a MAJOR struggle this time around bouncing back like I usually do. Maybe my body's like, eff you, you had 5 kids so this time you actually have to work for it. Last pregnancies I was super lucky to bounce back within 3 months without working out or eating healthy. It was amazing. This time not so much. So I guess I have to actually try, like most people... I know poor me right? I wasn't the best with exercise while pregnant either. Definitely regretting that. I have never exercised actually. So now I'm more than I have ever weighed and it has been so hard on me! Like I would think about it all day, every single day. It was bad. I was embarrassed to go out of the house and when people looked at me I hated it. Isn't that bad? I was so unhappy with myself. So I decided to make changes but I tell you, it's not easy and it definitely doesn't happen overnight! A lot of it is a mental thing I found. You have to change your entire mentality of life. I decided to start with my eating and it's been a gradual thing and now it's become a habit. I never thought I'd be a person to say that! I no longer crave sugar or junk or pop. I WANT healthy food and I love it! I'm slowly losing my weight and I'm finally feeling confident again. I have had to over come that obstacle of thinking it's about a number but it's not, it's about how you feel! I definitely am not where I want to be but that's ok, it's a work in progress and I'm willing to work to get there. I workout as much as I can but even just a 20 minute circuit at home with weights makes a huge difference I've found. You don't have to run for an hour on the treadmill for it to count! I'm finding it hard to get the time to work out between my busy life and working now but I'm making it happen. I don't know how to explain it all and it's not about looking amazing (well kind of that) but it's about a lifestyle! It's SO important. I want to live a long and healthy life for my kids so I have to start now. I told Dustin I had kids all in my twenties and now my thirties are going to be about me. My work, my body and healthy goals, being in the best stable place of my life. We all know how unstable you are pregnant... So I've learned how important it is and i've learned how hard it is to get there! 

Anyways, I wanted to share what I've been going through because I can't believe how hard it's been on me losing my baby weight. We are so hard on ourselves and it's not fair. I do not want to raise my kids like that. It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy. I am so proud my kids make healthy choices and they know how important it is. 
I want to take some before and after pics but not quite yet. Maybe soon! 

In other news, who hates cooking supper lately? All in agreement say, "I". I'm on my own food diet schedule so my kids get a totally separate meal and it's driving me mental. I need to find a balance. I eat a lot of salmon and my kids hate it so I have to plan this stuff. I have no motivation left some days! Speaking of motivation. My kids have NOT been listening good lately. I decided we needed to make some big changes fast. I decided to no longer be their friend but their mom. So I took away the iPads and Wii U and Saturday I gave them a ton of chores. They were in TROUBLE. I was so worn out of yelling and saying things a hundred times so it was time. Guess what. It totally worked! I left for Laken's gymnastics and the 3 girls were left doing the chores and I firmly explained why they were doing this. I was at my whits end and I even started crying. I was so worn out by being mad all the time that all I could do was cry!
 I came home and the house was clean! Before I left they asked what they do when they finish what I told them to do and I said then find something else and clean that! So they did they even swept the bathrooms! I came in and Jaycis like "mom, we are going to listen to you the first time you ask us to do something." It was AMAZING. I can't believe it worked! Since then it's been a huge difference! Parenting is freakin hard. It's exhausting and it can be chaos and it is seriously the toughest job in the world! It's a challenge for me on a daily basis. I'm no perfect parent and I always feel like I should be better in so many ways and feel so guilty but one day at a time right? I totally got this. 
I've got my husband and Dr. Phil, so I'm set. 

This baby is not going to sleep so I can work. It's like he knows. Daddy's on night hundred and moms exhausted and he really doesn't care. Thanks baby.

But seriously, look at that face. He's the bomb. Being a mom really does rock most the time. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done.