Thursday, March 12, 2009

Help and The Burnt Daisy update

So I would never normally admit to making a mistake about being a mom, cuz I never make them! aha.... BUT i'm not too sure what to do and before I go crazy this week from "thinking" I am going to ask you all for help. First of all it has been one busy thinking week. Seriously I have never thought so much! Is that how you say it? Well this is why, I have been working on my relief society lesson which has kind of been a challenging one because I don't know how to go about teaching it. It's on 'Valiant in the cause of Christ' It's a simple lesson so I might just keep it that way. Anyways, also I have been getting the last touches on my business and ordering some more supplies. I have made some big changes in it so that is why it is taking so long. Sorry. If you didn't get to see my sneak peek post go here. I will tell you what I am going to do though. (I know i'm supposed to be asking for your help but i'll get to that after this, cuz I got sidetracked so just go with it.) Probably tomorrow I will show you my site (I just want to get one more picture on it) and because I am waiting on some supplies and can't really make anything yet, I am going to take some pre-orders, as in 8-10 at the most. Obviously the wait for these will be a while probably like 3-4 weeks since I have to wait for all my last minute stuff to arive and who knows how long it'll take with the shipping. But I can get all the paper and letters ordered in the mean time. I want to get started somewhere. So here's the deal, if you want a name/initial done, let me know AFTER I open the site. So then you can see my samples and get an idea of what I am doing and all the details, so I don't have to go through it all on here. But ya so if you want one done watch for it to be opened within the next day. After I get 10 orders max I won't be taking anymore until all my stuff comes in. So that's my business update. I am hating how long it's taken but I am SO excited to get going!
So.....back to the help. I made a mistake, a big one in my eyes and now I need help to fix it. It's about Jayci and Presley. Since they were born I have been nursing them and I still am. (yay so proud) Probably about 3-4 times a day. BUT my problem is I nurse them right to sleep for bedtime!....I know, I know, SO bad! It just happened! And it was just so much easier! But now during the day for their naps I can wrap them up and place them in bed together and they go to sleep on their own. But it's nightime that is the problem. They have been going to bed at about 7:30 lately, so I nurse them right to sleep (which usually takes 5 minutes) and put them in bed. Then I do the other one. So most of the time they wake up once before we go to bed but the only way to get them back to sleep is to nurse them again. So how do I get them out of the habit of being nursed to sleep? Kelsey (thank you so much) helped me with a book she bought online and I think it would work, but with twins it's harder. It pretty much tells you to sit by the crib for a couple days and then every 3 days move further away. But with two, they say to just move your chair back and forth from each crib every 5 minutes, and ya I didn't like that. It was just a hard concept for twins. So I looked online for books or something for twins and sleeping and the only one I found which I think would be awesome, doesn't come out until JUNE! ha great! So I know most of you don't have twins, but how do I get them off nursing to sleep and then going back to sleep on their own. I have tried letting them cry, but first of all I hate it, and second they cry forever (last night was at least 1/2hr) and I feel so mean. I know there is other ways. Oh also when we go to bed they rarely wake up, they usually sleep right until about 7ish, but when they do wake up I have to once again feed them. I am getting so tired lately, not sure why, but like exhausted! I guess they have been waking up at about 11pm which is right after we try and go to bed and then we are up until after midnight and Kyla is up before 7am. Also the other night she woke up wanting to sleep in our bed, so random. But ya she was freaking out and would only let me tuck her in. I do have awesome help, Dustin will do just as much as I do, he is up everytime they are up. He goes and gets the babies when they wake up, I feed them and put them back to bed. He is the best help. I know your thinking it's because we have twins, but nope he did the same thing with Kyla. Don't I have the best husband! I have talked to so many moms where the husband doesn't do anything at night and I am so grateful mine does. Of course if he is up earlier or really tired I do it so he can sleep. Also he changes just as many diapers as I do (without asking!) and gets them dressed, and feeds them. He NEVER complains. He was the exact same way with Kyla too. I definately got a winner! I love him. Anyways this is getting long and i'm rambling now. So any help please, and if you want a name done, let me know! I'm excited! (sorry no pictures) next time!

16 comments:

kyleandtaryn said...

Hey you. I found this back and forth between a few different people with multiples...a few different ideas.
http://www.mamasource.com/article/5-mo-twins-not-sleeping#response_0
They talk about a book called Babywise...don't know if it's the same one as Kels told you about. Good luck with everything!

Hillyers said...

Twins are so fun, eh? About a month ago I was able to get my boys to fall asleep by themselves. It's awesome! They still wakeup at night though. I think mostly because they still need a soother to sleep. I might have to get rid of them or something. Anyway, I used "The Baby Whisperer" as a guide. I bought the book when I had Hadley, and love it's technique. It's a bit in between crying out and rocking to sleep. Let me know if you want more info. It's so much more tricky with twins. Good luck.

Kels said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kels said...

Blogger Kels said...

i obviously have no clue, because i don't have twins. . . but, i actually didn't do the "stay in the room" thing, i chose to just "leave and check" because it was too hard for me to stay in there, and norah hated me being there and not helping her.
so i actually just let her cry, and it was hard. she cried for 40 minutes the first night, but then was out all night. it only took a few nights for her to realize she had to put herself to sleep, and now she has learned. and. . . NO SOOTHER!!! YAY!!! that was the best part. just like that book said, they need to figure it out themselves, and they're crying because they want to be asleep, but don't know how to get there.

who knows the answer, right?!? being a mom is hard sometimes! lol.
hope you find the answer, and let the rest of us know what you figure out! i'm excited to hear/see all about this little business. you are way too hard core for me--- having 3 babies, keeping a house, and starting up a business. no wonder you're tired!

Kels said...

that was weird. . . and while i was posting my comment, your blog header changed! lol.

Lynn said...

Sorry, I guess I am no help. I was just one of those mean moms. I just let them cry (up to an hour or more for one of my stubborn kids) but all it took was one or two nights of that and that was it. The habit was broken. I guess that's why it was easier for me as they came along to do that, cause I knew the torture would be done and over in only two days. : S

And you certainly do have an AWESOME husband! My did the same thing for me. It IS a rare thing and so I am glad you are so appreciative of him and say such nice things about him for doing that. I don't remember if I ever thanked my husband for what he did. I maybe should do that now. Better late than never. I think I only have realized in the last few years how lucky I was. I just thought every guy did that. (or should) lol.

P.S.I can hardly wait to check out your business site again. I know you will go far! It sounds awesome!

henline crew said...

Yeah, I'm mean too. I just let my kids cry. I know how hard it is too. Jared was awful, he would never sleep and so after trying everything I had to just let him cry and the first night he cried for 3 hours!!!! I would go check on him a few times but he cried for 3 hours the first week, 2 the second week and then by the end of the 3rd week he didnt cry anymore but he slept through the night from day one trying that. Mady only cried for like 3 days. Jared is just really stubborn and it was soooooo hard!!! I don't know what it's like at all with twins but that is that only thing that worked for me. Good Luck!!

D. said...

I agree with Kelsey, but with twins that would be hard...listening to one baby cry themselves to sleep is hard enough! Just remember you need sleep too and they need to learn to put themselves to sleep & self-soothe. Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

Looks like I'm not the only mean mom! I let my kids cry. Granted I don't have twins and I don't know about dealing with them. With my kids I let them cry and when they got to the point of totally freaking out, I would go in, lay them back down, tuck them in, and let them cry again. Its hard, but SOOO worth it!!

Ashley said...

wow! I seriously feel so much better now because I am a mean mom too! I let Jensen cry it out. I couldn't do it at first and I would either nurse him to sleep (like you) or rock him to sleep. I finally just let him cry it out and it only took a couple of days and he figured it out. If he does wake up again I've just started to go in and tickle his face and sing him a song, then tell him I love him, goodnight, I'll see him in the morning and I walk out of the room. It seems to work! I've also discovered that he needs his blanket to go to sleep on his own. I know that you're not supposed to put things in their crib, but without his blanket he won't go to sleep on his own. So weird and such a young age, eh?
So good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Christine Peterson said...

oh boy, you need to talk to caroline,she's going through the EXACT same thing right now, but with 1 kid not 2! I'll tell her you guys need to collaborate together. I'll be honest I never did any cry it out or anything method. I cannot stand crying...I lie down in Taylor's bed and she gets up once at night for milk. I give her some then she falls back to sleep. I guess that makes me a spoil my kid mom. It will probably change when the 2nd child comes (that's why i dont want another ) haha. Good luck Mindy and yes Dustin is a good hubby. Bruce helps a lot too. I'm glad he does. I have babywise and the no cry sleep solution if you need it. let me know

Caroline Harker said...

Oh my gosh Mindy, I am going through the same thing. From the day she was born, I have breastfed Cadrien to sleep. The only problem is that now she wakes up every hour at night and I have to breastfeed her back to sleep. I'm serious! It is soooooo bad! I'm so sleep deprived. She used to only wake up every 2 hours but now it is getting worse and is every hour. I did the same thing with Camden. Here is what Camden's pediatrician told me. He said that we go through sleep and awake cycles at night where we ALL wake up every hour (most of the time we don't even notice it or remember it) and we all put ourselves right back to sleep because we know how. BUT, given that I taught Camden (and now Cadrien) to fall back alseep by breastfeeding, it is the only way he (and she) know how to go back to sleep. So he told me that I needed to teach him to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep by using Dr. Ferber's method. It consists of putting your baby in bed at night and letting your baby cry it out in their crib on their own, and checking them 5 minutes later, then 10 minutes later, then 20 minutes later, but never let them cry more than one hour. After about a week your baby should sleep through the night and not wake up. When Camden was 6 months old he told me this and I refused to do it. Then, he told me the same when Camden was 7 months old, and then finally at 8 months old when I couldn't stand waking up every hour anymore I did it and Camden slept through the night that first night. Well do you think I did it with Cadrien yet! No not really. I did only twice. Then I gave up. I know, pathetic, especially since I saw the amazing results with Camden. I actually opted to do the Sleep Lady version, which is the sitting next to the crib as they cry, but that did not work as well because she saw me there and it made her even more mad so she wouldn't stop crying. She is now teething so I had to stop, but I will try it again once she is done teething. I will go back to Dr. Ferber's method because when you aren't there and they can't see you then they give up much sooner. So try that! He has written a book, and there is tons on google about it. OKay, wow, crap, that was a long comment. But, I feel your pain...still do! Going on 10 months of not once sleeping more than 2 hours consecutively. It's a killer. I hope Dr. Ferber works for you!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey.
My son nursed to sleep until he was 14 months. I thought the same thing you did, but at the end of the day I was glad that they come to "me" for confort. Me son is almost 3.5 and I lay with him every night. I know someone say it's bad, but it is my favorite part of my day. Maybe you should look at it in a different way?
Just a thought.

Janas Bananas said...

I can't say anymore then anyone else everyone has pretty much said it all. I would just let them cry it out, it only takes a few days...Unless you are Jared Henline..hehehe. But again its all in what you mind, if you dont mind it then its not a big deal they wont nurse themsleves to sleep forever right?? But I will say this. One of my friends always layed with her oldest daughter to put her to sleep and she was 8 when she finally stopped doing it. ANd it took 3 years for this girl to learn how to put herself to sleep, 11 years old before this girl would fall asleep before midnight without a fight and crying from her room. I know thats a odd case but it happens. If they don't learn how to put themselves to sleep they will always have troubles falling asleep at night no matter the age.

They say that letting them cry is good for them, its hard to do but it works. My longest baby was 45 min, and it was that 11:00pm feeding I had to break. It took 3 days and he didn't wake up anymore. I scrapbooked while he cried to try and divert my attention but I ended up sitting outside his room. I found the 5 min 10 min thing was harder because they would see you and then scream harder when you left and that would break my heart,I felt like I was teasing them, but lots of my friends have tried it and it works. Anyway, whatever you do just do what makes you feel ok and don't worry about what anyone may say do whats best for you..If you are ok with laying with them till they are 5 then lay with them. IF you want to break the habit then I think letting them cry it out is the only way to do it..Many children have survived the crying...and they still love you in the morning. Good luck!!!

the fellers said...

Hey, I am sorry, I know you said crying it out didnt work for you, but I just want to tell you what happeend with both my kids. Scoty wasnt a great nurser around 9 months, so he got a bottle at bed time, in bed, and he went to sleep great with it, even though I know he shouldnt have been going to be with it, but I finally just HAD to let him cry it out, NOTHING worked, seriously, i couldnt rock him if I was in the room with him, it made it worse, nothing nothing NOTHING worked, I was so fed up with it....so I finally did it, I promise, he cried for like and hour an a half, and it only took a few days, and everyday he cried less and less and then he was on a routine. They also say to have a bed time routine, which alerts the kids that they are getting ready for bed, and they know it and start winding down, but I think most people do that and it still is hard.

With Rylee I nursed her to sleep, she would get up in the night and nurse, until just before Christmas, I was SO SO SO sick of it, and so finally one night I decided it was time. We were in the middle of painting the kids rooms, so we had Scoty's bed moved out into another room, and Rylee's crib had been just left in there in the middle of the room, cause she had been sleeping in our pack n' play in our room anyway, cause I was so lazy and didnt want to walk the extra 10 steps to get her in the middle of the room. SO, I realized this was my one chance to get her to sleep through the night, if she woke up and had to cry, then it was ok, cause Scoty wasnt in the room, and wouldnt wake up, so I did it....I nursed her, put her in her bed, awake, and then let her cry...and cry and cry...of course I didnt sleep...it took FOREVER! Then she went to sleep, then at about 2 or 3, she woke up to nurse...and I Didnt give in, she SCREAMED for 2 hours, and then went to sleep, the next night, slept completely through the night...and has been ever since....they KNOW that you will come and you will feel bad...my kids did, and I had to be strong. I figure I am a better mom because of it, because if I get a good nights rest, then I will not be as cranky and onery the next day...I know that it is horrible, I feel like a nazi, but it is what I have to do for my kids, cause they will not let me do anything else.

I also read somewhere that they have to learn to soothe themselves to sleep...so if you force them to do it when they go to bed, make them learn to fall asleep by themselves, then when they wake up in the night they are used to falling back to sleep on their own, and usually will.

My kids share a room, they arent twins, but they go to bed at the same time and will keep each other up or comfort each other. Rylee always cries when I put her to bed, but Scoty is now so used to her crying, that I think he just tunes her out and falls to sleep, then she does too...

I dont know if this is any help, I definitely wrote a book, I am sorry, but I just thought I would tell you what works for you...please let us know what worked! k? good luck!

I am gonna go check out your business blog...I am excited!

Caroline said...

Mindy thanks so much for putting up this post which generated so much discussion from so many other mothers, which are the true experts after all. I am now motivated to do the cry out thing with Cadrien starting Monday. I have been putting it off for 10 months. Seriously! Had I not read all of these encouraging comments from other moms and heard that there is light at the end of the tunnel I may have put it off for many more months until it was too late and she was too old. So thanks for posting this. Keep us updated with what you choose to do, and how it is going. I wish you all the best! I wished you still lived here in Okotoks because I would go over and help you out! Good luck!

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