Monday, May 25, 2009

A breakthrough!

I have figured it out! The cure to the tantrums/not listening etc. Kyla has really figured out how to push my buttons lately and she gets really mad then I get mad, then she gets madder then I get madder...it's a lose-lose situation! I used to try and put her in a time out on the stairs, but she wouldn't stay ever, she would fall down them freaking out and I would put her back a million times and I even would sit there holding her (she is one strong little 3 year old by the way, or maybe i'm just really weak...) So if she didn't stay after all of this she got put in her room. Eventually I gave up putting her back and I just gave her 3 warnings to stay and then she would be put in her room, it was the best thing if she wanted to stay alive! I got the child proof handle so she couldn't get out and I would put her in there until she calmed down. She can be quite fiesty one and 3 minutes just doesn't do it sometimes! Anyways, she recently has figured out how to open the door! awesome. I was SO done, I was at the end of my rope and completely worn out. I didn't know what to do and I felt like I had lost the "control" and she was starting to make me feel bad because I would get so mad, then I would cry cuz I was so frustrated and confused as to what to do, then she would cry harder because I was crying and she hates it when I cry! Something needed to change, fast. I was talking to my mom and she said when my cousin was little she was the "stop drop and roll" kind of tantrums and my aunt and uncle would just walk around her as if she wasn't even there. So I thought, why not! Let's try ignoring her. So here is the lowdown on how Kyla gets into her tantrums. Most of the time it's because she doesn't listen and when I say no, and if she doesn't like that I either turn off her movie or whatever, or I take away what I said no to in the first place, or I do something she doesn't like in reaction to her not listening. Almost something to let her know she is in trouble. Of course this gets a huge reaction and the tantrum starts.
So I walked away into the kitchen and I said "Kyla go sit in your time out" really calmly. Of course she didn't, so I just walked around like nothing was happening and cleaned up, well she was freaking out on my leg pulling at me, no literally like hanging on me, so I said it again, "Kyla go sit in your time out" Well I kept on ignoring her like she wasn't even there and she did NOT like that. She was yelling, "mommy talk to me!!" over and over. So after her saying this like 10 times, and long enough for her to realize I wasn't paying attention to her tantrum. I said "Kyla, I'm not talking to you until you go sit on the stairs." and then this happened again, she cried, I ignored it and she freaked out "mommy talk to me!" I said it again, "not until you go sit on the stairs" What did she do, she ran and sat on the stairs!! NO way. I couldn't believe she went. So I let her sit there for about 30 seconds and then I went over and talked to her and ask her why she was in trouble etc. I had her appoligize to me and she gave me hugs and kisses, which is what I normally do after going up to her room. And we were good! So I was hoping this would be a new trend, the next day a tantrum came up and the exact same situation happened, the freaking out, the ignoring, the "go sit in time out." Except this time she ran to the stairs the second she figured out I was ignoring her. This has worked everyday since!! But now the second I say sit in a time out she runs and sits and says, "mommy come talk to me, I'm happy" Of course she is still upset and crying but whatever!! It's incredible! Why didn't I think of this before! Thank you mom!
Honestly it has helped ME to not even have to get mad, which is what I was so worried about. I didn't want to be the yelling mom. I didn't want the twins always watching me get mad, I wanted to be the laid back, happy mom. They say your kids will act how you act. I always wondered how people can stay so calm when their kids is pushing every last one of their buttons and now I know how. You ignore them! Now I am back in control!! I feel like the mom again! It's truly amazing. This may not work for everyone but it worked for me, so if you haven't tried this I recommend it.

Now to get her to poop in the potty.....
Any suggestions? I have tried EVERYTHING.

Here is two pictures for fun, Kyla was sitting rocking Jayci in the chair and she was just sitting there loving it. It was so cute. And me and the little girls at the park on the weekend.

6 comments:

Sarah McDonald said...

Congrats! Peace is the best! I always feel bad if I have to yell expecially in front of Will although he laughs.. (I think I'll be in trouble with him...) Wish I could give you some advise on the poo in the pot thing but I don't have any... My friend here is having the same problem with her daughter... Erika was holding it in for a while there but I told her she cant go to school if she doesn't know how to use the bathroom properly... seemed to work... Good Luck!

Lynn said...

WHoo! Hooo!! Those mommy "light bulb" moments are SO the best! It's what kept me going. Congrats on having an understanding with her and some peace of mind knowing this was the right step. I bet the two of you will be life time FRIENDS! : D

Christine Peterson said...

OK I have the issue with poop in the potty with Taylor. She asks for a diaper, then poops, then we change and put her underwear back on, pee is good. but #2, not there yet! I hope I get ideas from your response! i will try the ignore tantrums too. let's see how it goes! good advice mindy!

the fellers said...

oh my gosh, can I just say, I used to put Scoty in his room, and put the child locks on them, but then he figured them out too, that was HORRIBLE! And yeah, isnt it crazy how the ignoring thing works? I love that it is working with her....your kids are so dang cute!

Sue said...

Oh my goodness, congrats! Overcoming tantrums is huge, from what I hear. I loved that you figured out that you had to ignore her. Oh these kids! :)

Sarah C said...

Congrats! It took me a long time to figure out what worked for Brighton. I couldn't ignore him because then he would start to throw things, and I was getting holes in my walls, and worse when they connected with his little brother. I have to sit there and hold him tight and after about a minute he will just "melt" in my arms. I agree, these little kids have way more strenght than you think should be packed in that size of body! Good luck with the poop... that was the easy one for us... here's to hoping that Austin is as easy!

);