Sunday, July 12, 2015

Putting my foot down

When I first got married I was a small human. Like 110lbs. That was normal and it came naturally. So that was me and I was good with that. Then I had my oldest and gained a lot with her. Lost it all within 3-4 months, didn't do a thing to lose it. Twins, same thing. Laken, same thing. Then two years after Laken I got hypothyroidism, so I gained a few pounds and I was SO hard on myself! I felt huge. I think at most I weighed 113lbs. Now I had my boy. My weight has NOT come off of me like the others and it literally broke me down. I felt gross and disgusting and every person that looked at me I thought they were judging me on my weight. I've never been through struggling with weight and I couldn't handle it. I then decided to change my life, eating and working out here and there. Now let's be real. I have 5 kids AND work. I do not get to work out as often I can and you know what, that's ok! I eat healthy as much as I can. I'm actually becoming really good at it! I'm proud of myself. I went in for blood work for my swollen joints thinking it was rheumatoid arthritis and came back as hypothyroidism again and worse than before. It sucked. But I knew I would have to do what I could with it. I went on meds and even started brown seaweed extract? Who knows, I suck at taking it lets be honest but it's supposed to help with thyroid. So we will see. I figured that's why I wasn't losing my weight and wanted to blame it on that but this whole thing is bull. It's bull crap!! 

This is NOT ok! It's not ok I think this way and it's not ok I feel this way! I have had 5 children out of this body. I've breastfed the crap out of these breasts and I've stretched my body 4 times for these 5 kids. Why the hell am I feeling like I need to be on the cover of the Victoria's Secret magazine? I shouldn't! I am healthy and I work out when I can and I don't give a rats ass how skinny I am. I will wear what I feel good in and I will be happy being healthy in my own body because this is life! This is reality! There's no photoshop in real life. 

I have learned and come to realize these skinny and in shape people first, don't have any children, or they work their ass off for their body. And you know what, that is awesome for them. I would love to be like them and maybe one day I will. In the mean time lets smack a bitch (myself) to reality and be happy with what I've accomplished! This world is so messed up with image. It is NOT ok! 
If you are doing your best to be healthy, because you are only given one body this life, then that is good enough. Who cares what other people think. Who. Cares! 

I have such a strong opinion of this. Maybe because I had to go through the whole acceptance thing and I'm slowly working to my goals I have for myself and realize how hard it really is. I've never had to do that and I appreciate that. I have all the respect in the world for those who can discipline and have the time for that. I know it's attainable but you know what, my baby is not even 10 months old and if I'm 10lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight I'm ok with that. We as women go through so much to have these babies. SO MUCH. 
I went swimming today and looked in the mirror and could pick myself apart with what I didn't like. How sad is that? I want to have a healthy body and I'm getting there but why are we so hard on ourselves? I don't wanna be in the picture, I hate my arms, I hate my legs, I feel like my face is fat when I smile, I have a muffin top in these pants... Those are only a few things I thought to myself the past few months. It sounds so bad when you say it outloud! 
If you are living a healthy lifestyle then who gives a crap about what you look like?! Be happy with who you are, be CONFIDENT in who you are. Confidence plays a huge part in how you are perecpted. No matter what you look like. 
Please love yourself. Please take care of yourself and just be happy! Because your kids don't care what the scale says. They care that you're happy. Teach them that life isn't about your image. 
I've heard too many women be hard on themselves lately and it makes me sad to hear it. When they say it, I think, ya that's me too! Then it clicks, why do I think like that? I realize how sad it is. 

I think, the only person who cares about it, is you. 
You. Are. Beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside remember? 

And I'm done. 

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