Ok this is a huge let it out post. There, I warned you.
I'm exhausted. So done. No, beyond done. I'm over 38 weeks, which no one thought i'd make it too! I'm so glad and grateful but it's exhausting. I'm okay being pregnant to the end and was actually kind of expecting it all along, but it's being pregnant with the 3 girls that is so hard. They are so high maintenance lately and all I want to do is sleep or lay down. It's exhausting even making lunch for them, so I end up eating a sandwich with the kids because I don't have the energy to make anything else. Picking up toys or loading the dishwasher takes so much energy. I'm huge, nothing fits because i'm so low, even Dustin's shirts are too short! I'm having a lot of pelvic pain too, it's been a couple months of that so it's only getting worse as the baby gets bigger. My pelvis grinds when I lift legs separately, or when I have to move in bed. I'm not even sure that's normal? It probably is.
Kyla asked why I walk weird when I have a baby in my tummy, then she showed me how I walk, with her legs spread apart and waddled around. It was pretty freakin funny.
I'm so grateful this pregnancy has been so smooth and I don't think it could have gone any better. I'm really lucky especially having 3 little girls at home already. I just don't have the patience for them lately and I feel so bad, because i'm so worn out even BEFORE having to take care of them etc. I'm kind of an emotional person this week, I can feel i'm at the end and I know it's over soon. 13 days to be exact, maybe sooner, or later which would be weird. I just need to let it all out!
I'm actually getting nervous about life with 4. I never went out when the twins were little and now I have 4 kids 5 and under to take around with me. Will I ever have a life again? Will I ever get to shower again? I just picture my daily life right now, which is crazy in itself, and add a crying baby in the background. Who thought I could do this? It still doesn't seem real that i'm having another baby, maybe it'll seem real when I bring him/her home. I guess we are only given what we can handle so I know i'll be ok, and with such an amazing husband by my side I know it'll be great. I just hope we still have a marriage, because lately we don't even get to talk until the kids are in bed. Which isn't until after 9pm these days. Jayci and Presley are TERRIBLE at going to bed. They just stay up and play and talk forever! It's frustrating, and i'm guessing a twin thing. Kyla went through a stage at the same age but it wasn't as bad and didn't last long. She is awesome at going to bed now and doesn't make a peep, so we're hoping we can look forward to that.
I haven't even had a chance to watch conference yet which I so badly want too because I think I need some spiritual uplift right now to get me through this next stage of life. I love our life, I love our kids, and I feel so blessed to be able to have 4 children with an amazing husband. I love our friends, I seriously have the best friend who knows exactly when I need something. She even sent me over a little gift last night when she didn't even know how bad of a day I was having. I love her and the selfless person she is. I'm also so grateful I have amazing sisters I can talk to and vent to everyday and they tell me exactly what I need to hear. I love them so much. I wish we could all live by each other so bad and we always talk about how awesome it would be. I am glad my girls will get to have the opportunity to have that relationship with each other when they are older.
At the beginning of this post Jayci and Presley were whining and driving me crazy, and now they are passed out on the floor and couch. I feel bad for complaining because I am so blessed but I needed to get it all out, and then I can always look back at this time and remember what I was going through.
Well, here's to the final stretch!