Wednesday, April 06, 2011

I just want to sleep

Ok this is a huge let it out post. There, I warned you.

I'm exhausted. So done. No, beyond done. I'm over 38 weeks, which no one thought i'd make it too! I'm so glad and grateful but it's exhausting. I'm okay being pregnant to the end and was actually kind of expecting it all along, but it's being pregnant with the 3 girls that is so hard. They are so high maintenance lately and all I want to do is sleep or lay down. It's exhausting even making lunch for them, so I end up eating a sandwich with the kids because I don't have the energy to make anything else. Picking up toys or loading the dishwasher takes so much energy. I'm huge, nothing fits because i'm so low, even Dustin's shirts are too short! I'm having a lot of pelvic pain too, it's been a couple months of that so it's only getting worse as the baby gets bigger. My pelvis grinds when I lift legs separately, or when I have to move in bed. I'm not even sure that's normal? It probably is.

Kyla asked why I walk weird when I have a baby in my tummy, then she showed me how I walk, with her legs spread apart and waddled around. It was pretty freakin funny.

I'm so grateful this pregnancy has been so smooth and I don't think it could have gone any better. I'm really lucky especially having 3 little girls at home already. I just don't have the patience for them lately and I feel so bad, because i'm so worn out even BEFORE having to take care of them etc. I'm kind of an emotional person this week, I can feel i'm at the end and I know it's over soon. 13 days to be exact, maybe sooner, or later which would be weird. I just need to let it all out!

I'm actually getting nervous about life with 4. I never went out when the twins were little and now I have 4 kids 5 and under to take around with me. Will I ever have a life again? Will I ever get to shower again? I just picture my daily life right now, which is crazy in itself, and add a crying baby in the background. Who thought I could do this? It still doesn't seem real that i'm having another baby, maybe it'll seem real when I bring him/her home. I guess we are only given what we can handle so I know i'll be ok, and with such an amazing husband by my side I know it'll be great. I just hope we still have a marriage, because lately we don't even get to talk until the kids are in bed. Which isn't until after 9pm these days. Jayci and Presley are TERRIBLE at going to bed. They just stay up and play and talk forever! It's frustrating, and i'm guessing a twin thing. Kyla went through a stage at the same age but it wasn't as bad and didn't last long. She is awesome at going to bed now and doesn't make a peep, so we're hoping we can look forward to that.

I haven't even had a chance to watch conference yet which I so badly want too because I think I need some spiritual uplift right now to get me through this next stage of life. I love our life, I love our kids, and I feel so blessed to be able to have 4 children with an amazing husband. I love our friends, I seriously have the best friend who knows exactly when I need something. She even sent me over a little gift last night when she didn't even know how bad of a day I was having. I love her and the selfless person she is. I'm also so grateful I have amazing sisters I can talk to and vent to everyday and they tell me exactly what I need to hear. I love them so much. I wish we could all live by each other so bad and we always talk about how awesome it would be. I am glad my girls will get to have the opportunity to have that relationship with each other when they are older.

At the beginning of this post Jayci and Presley were whining and driving me crazy, and now they are passed out on the floor and couch. I feel bad for complaining because I am so blessed but I needed to get it all out, and then I can always look back at this time and remember what I was going through.

Well, here's to the final stretch!



10 comments:

Steve and Alli said...

Hi, I'm a regular stalker of your blog. I can't fully feel your pain, but I think I've been there to a point. As for conference, I've just been playing the audio from it all week long. I pick up bits and pieces through the day as the sessions play and then I start again the next day. It sometimes helps fuzz out the noise of my girls, and other times I have to turn it all off to feel like there's some peace. But I'm getting things out of it, and the girls pause from their craziness at all the songs and pretend to direct the choir, play the organ and even dance to "mo-tab" while they sing, so it's fun for all of us!

Lynn said...

There. Feel better? Writing it down is therapeutic, eh?

Vent away. It (the pregnancy) will be over soon. And just picture all that energy you will get back soon. I laughed with you when you said what Kyla did mimicking your waddle. Been there and done that waddle thing for sure. Not fun! Once you get your own body back, it will be much easier handling everything. Remember? ; D

Hang in there! You're doing great. Oh.....and when you DO get the chance to listen to the conference talks, you should go straight to these first.....

Oh never mind......you must get to all of them. They were amazing!!!!!!!!! I tell ya.....I couldn't believe how awesome they were this time around. Yeah!

henline crew said...

I totally hear ya. I was there not long ago. My pelvis pain was so bad, I could barely walk and for the last 3 weeks I just cried and prayed that I would have the baby to stop the pain. But it does stop and I was so scared to have 4 but it doesn't feel any different to 3. I hope that helps a little. Being pregnant is hard and it'll be over before you know it!!!! Good Luck!

Jordana said...

It's crazy how horrible pregnancy can be, and it's amazing how fast we forget it too. It seems like once you have a sweet little baby, it doesn't seem like it was that bad. I was trying to remember that today as I was limping around my house. Hang in there! And be warned that if you listen to Elder Scott's talk from Sunday afternoon you will be bawling through the whole thing, it' so touching!

The Harker Family said...

Oh Mindy you poor thing!!!!! I can totally sympathize. When you were describing the "being tired and lacking patience" thing of pregnancy, I could totally relate- and I'm only 5 months along! Ha! So you have endured it very well. Just think, worse case it is ONLY two more weeks and then you are done. I hate the end when you try to sleep as you can't sleep it is so uncomfortable. Thinking of you honey, and can't wait to see your gorgeous baby! You can do it put your back into it, yeah do it, do it, do it!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha! Don't know why that stupide song came to mind, but it is fitting!

Jeff and Brit said...

hang in there sis! You only have 3 weeks MAX till your little baby is here!!! Well nephew if it goes the way I want ha! I can't say I know how having 3 kids and pregnant is but I do know the feeling of getting so anxious near the end! Just expect the worst, which is 3 weeks, and then it won't let you down ha. That's what I tried doing and I was only over 2 days, and maybe that way your water can break! YAY! Love you so much and can't wait to come visit! Call me anytime and all the time.. Oh wait, you already do ha! LOVE YOU xxo

kelci r said...

just remember that God will only give you as much as He knows you can handle. that usually gets me through the tough days

Jillene said...

Just hearing your venting is good birth control for the ears lol. Are you getting so excited to see who has been giving you all this pain? I am so glad that you waiting to find out. I did it with Teagan and Hudson and it was so much fun. I think I will do it with all my kids. I hope the time comes soon for you. I love looking at your blog and your cute kids.

Mark and Rachael said...

Mind I totally feel your pain. I'm only 31 weeks and every morning I turn the tv on for Pyper and fall asleep for an hour or two. I feel so bad, like the worst mother ever but you just do the best you can do, right? At least you got two over with last time right??? That's one less pregnancy you have to go through that the rest of us have to endure! haha. Oh, and you're beautiful and you're awesome. Clever enough?

Amber said...

I have to be honest, I found 4 very overwhelming and my house was a constant disaster...but Penny is 18 months now and we function just fine. The first year was a bear,but we are through it. My point, is it will be crazy, but it will pass, and it will be fun. And you have a much more useful husband than I do so you will have good support. Just don't expect a clean house, and you'll be fine.

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